Coin Chart Issue/Solution

I mentioned in our Two Month Update that one of our biggest issues was that bedtime was essentially removed from an effective daytime process like the coins.  Well, it is still somewhat true but we have since removed a sticker from the chart after she had earned it for the day because of a kicking episode directly afterwards while going to bed.  WOW!  She was horrified and bedtime didn't get better that night.  She knew that kicking (or any form of violence like that) results in a loss of 2 coins around here.  I went and grabbed the 2 coins and the sticker and explained to her that she lost the coins because of her kicking and that meant I had to take the sticker back because she didn't have all of her coins anymore that day.

This was difficult for her to understand.  She didn't know that stickers were able to be taken back.  I don't recommend doing this for anything that you might consider minor (or more due to sleepy moodiness than all out toddler war) because this was very complicated for the toddler to come to grips with.  She was very concerned about all her previous stickers the next morning because if Momma can take one away, logically she can take more.  The differentiating is the tough part.  HOWEVER...violence is not okay no matter the sleepy mood or bedtime war and SOMETHING had to give.  The shock of her lost sticker didn't help that night but it has helped subsequent nights.

We remind her frequently about her prize/goal and how many stickers she needs to get there.  We remind her of the rules frequently.  We remind her how many coins she has to earn back (if any) every time she begins to show a sign of a wrong choice.  We get EXCITED! (yes with capital letters and exclamation point) when she is being helpful or extra thoughtful.  We get EXCITED! when she tries a new food even if she didn't like it.  We get EXCITED! about her great clean up skills or her awesome manners.  There are always hugs and talks about why X was a good thing or why Y should have been done differently.

At night, the diaper change is the beginning of the rough part (and is actually the worst part usually).  She is in the perfect position to throw a tantrum--laying on her back on the floor with limbs free to fly.  This is equated to kicking because she does kick outward and as I am pregnant and she knows my tummy has to be handled carefully/nicely because Baby Brother is in there.  Her aim is to get your hands far away from any diaper changing items and it is quite purposeful.  (I look forward to a toddler sans diapers....)  She now knows that violence WILL result in a sticker being lost because coins were lost too.  EVEN AT BEDTIME.  Minor issues like too many excuses to come out of the room or get us to come in (water, a certain toy, blanket/bedding issues, etc) are corrected by other means currently.  When she gets to a more solid understanding of time, we may be able to switch coin counting to the morning and include ALL of bedtime into the system but at this point in her development, bedtime is a very divisive signal of days making a natural coin deadline.

I am open to suggestions of other bedtime methods...Thankfully this sticker loss has been a one time thing so far and has much improved our bedtime routine/diaper changes.

Coin Chart Experience Update: Two Months

Well we started the Coins back in early October and we have had an interesting run with it.  It really has been a nice addition to our parenting style though some days it simply doesn't work.  Obviously you can't expect a pure miracle to take the TWO out of a two-year-old so I take those days as my "thank you for working all those other days!" reaction while I curl up in a ball and wonder how other parents survive the two+ years of nonstop toddler crazies.

In case you don't recall, each row has 10 spaces for stickers and when that row is full she earns her goal/prize.  This requires 10 days of good behaviors and listening skills that kept or earned back her 6 coins before the end of the night.  (Find the whole system here.)  That really isn't easy for a toddler many days because the closer you are to bedtime, the more tired they are, the more likely they are to misbehave and lose a coin rather than earn one...Of course being the age she is we also stack the deck in her favor a bit by loading the end of the day with opportunities to help us with 'chores' that will give her ample chances to earn any lost coins before bedtime.  Eventually these things will simply become expected (cleaning up toys will not be a red light/green light game anymore, going to her room for storytime before bed without being carried in there will not be praised quite so vehemently, etc.) and her coin earning will become more difficult but for now, this is helping reinforce what behaviors we approve and applaud and those that are unacceptable.

That picture shows how good a toddler typically is when motivated by the right system.  Now your toddler's "right system" is likely to be different than ours and it took some trial and error to adapt this chart into our lifestyle to the best of its uses.  Consider:  October 4th (roughly based on Facebook picture dates) we started the Coins.  November 27th she earned that last sticker shown (there is another one now).  In less than two months (55 days), she earned 41 stickers.  The roughest stretch was actually during the 3rd goal because we were pulling some of the extra help that we'd been giving her and she was trying to test our system's strength and boundaries.

The weakest point in this method for us:  bedtime.  The sticker has been given and the day is over.  Bedtime is hard to incorporate into the method for us because she needs that immediate sensation of loss to reinforce the 6 coin loss.  Taking her cartoons away the next day over bedtime fits doesn't work because she doesn't seem to put the two actions together.  For now, at least until she starts to grasp the delayed reward/consequence concepts, bedtime is its own entity outside the realm of Coins.  Naptime has improved quite a bit though with the use of Coins because the afternoon without shows is just torture!

The biggest pro to this method thus far is honestly that Momma has a visual reminder during the rough moments of just how amazingly good her stubborn toddler really is (in that overall sense) and it gives me that mental step-back-and-breathe moment to grasp my remaining bits of patience and sew them together until Papa gets home.  Some days you just need to have that reminder that "she is a good kid, she is a good kid, she is a GOOD KID" and this chart with all of its successes displayed so prominently has given me that in a very concrete way.

I highly recommend this system to anyone who thinks it might help even a little!  If you have older children, consider the monetary version (find all the versions laid out here) and use it as a math and money teaching tool too!  And if you come up with any little tricks or changes that work better for you--AWESOME, please share them with me and with the original blogger!  We can always use some more ideas on how to fine tune the Coins in our homes too.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day Eight

On days that are trying with a strong-willed toddler, I am very thankful for our Coin Chart and the blogger who shared it with us!

Seriously, this thing has made it a much simpler thing to show a 2 (almost 3) year old that her choices are what lead to different results.  Such an abstract concept in general made into something so concrete has helped immensely.  (The picture next to the poster is her current goal being worked towards and I've been a slacker about writing in what she earned in her other two rows.)

Coin Chart Update

We have been using our Coin Chart for only a few weeks now and got to our first prize relatively quickly (one day without a sticker) with some extra chances to earn back coins on the rough days.  Today I sit here amazed at the progress my toddler has made in such a short time span.  It is a rare day now that I feel overwhelmed by a strong-willed, independent girl who is trying to establish dominance in the house.  The desire to establish control over her area is definitely inherited (*sigh* from me).  It is a requirement for both her and myself in our personalities to feel like we have control over our lives to feel safe.  Having a two year old in complete control however isn't a safe option either.  This method has given her the control she craves and myself the ability to give her more control but still set boundaries that a toddler needs for real safety.

One of my biggest stubborn controls were over the movies that are accessible to her because they are her movies.  She would drag them out with her feet off the shelf and scatter them around the room without a care for tripping, slipping or breaking the movies either.  This was not okay even more so because she would do this strictly as a rebellion (staring straight at me to make sure I saw her do it).  It would always result in either a power struggle or Momma picking them up while Alyssa sat in a time out.  There were no solutions that I could find myself.  Less than a week into the Coins and she dumped her movies again.  I only had to tell her that either she picked up her movies or Momma will pick them up and she would have to give me a coin for it.  Movies now sit on the shelf and if she tips them over (they are on a lower TV stand shelf) without thinking about it she apologizes and fixes it herself!  This is crazy progress in my opinion.

I love this method and have already introduced it to other parents I have met/know.  We are four stickers away from goal/prize #2 and Alyssa is very excited to count the empty squares she needs to fill before getting a prize.  (The counting abilities in my two year old has improved like crazy with this motivated learning too!  Can we say "side perk"?!)

Quick Coin Update

Three days into the Coin Chart experience and day 1 was a good day.  She was very excited to put a sticker on the chart before bed (though it was a last minute opportunity to earn back the final coin).  The next day started out very well and she kept all her coins until after lunch.  She only lost one before nap time.  Then we had meltdown after misbehavior after hitting etc.  We lost all six coins yesterday (day 2) and lost her "my shows" which are basically all cartoons available on TV or movies.  She obviously did not get a sticker and it was not a favorite experience.  She did not do very well because nap time did not involve any amount of actual sleep.  I tried giving her ample chances to earn her coins back and more often she ended up losing another (based on hitting or throwing etc).

We were determined to have a good third day though!  She lost three coins this morning again...Then we were finally (FINALLY) out the door to do our errands and she had an amazingly cooperative time and lunch!  So much so that she earned two coins back, which were returned to her cubby promptly upon our return home.  She was very happy with this and went down for her nap without a real fight (just a little bit of over-tired whining because naughty parents took too long to get home from errands).  That very well might earn her the last coin back because naps and bedtimes have been a struggle for months and I'd love for this good behavior to continue!  We will of course see how she wakes up from nap but that usually isn't a problem.  To start the afternoon (after a good sleep) with all six coins should make for a relatively nice night but those tricky toddlers love to prove a parent wrong so we will have to see.

Coin Chart--Reining in the Challenging Toddler

Can you give me a minute to explain this cazily excited two-year-old?

Some background on our toddler:

She is JUST LIKE ME.  The problem this has is that she hasn't got the filters that are a learned process.  Traits that are hard-wired into myself and now my daughter are our stubbornness, strong-willed, independent, and very certain about ourselves and what is right.  My kindergarten teacher called it "confidence" when telling my parents that it will be a good thing down the road (but a trial until then).

This need for control in our own lives is especially strong for this personality type.  Lack of control is very stressful and oftentimes scary for us.  We rebel to retain our control if we feel that we are losing too much of that precious commodity.

Finding a balance between allowing a two year old to have that control that she needs to feel secure and being a parent in control of that child also, well...that is what we are continuously working on.  It really isn't a one process thing because we are on our first kid and trial and error is the name of that game in every family (and for every child I'm told).

So, that excited kid pictured above?  Trial #3982350895oiwjf02894tyu2498....  So far it looks good huh?

That is a Coin Chart (behavioral reward/consequence learning tool).  **Credit must go to another blogger found via Pinterest**  She inspired me with her process and shared it with all of us so that we could adapt it to our families too which is exactly what we are doing!  The chart in our picture is finished and I will describe it later.

An overview:  I suggest reading the link to the other blog for it to be more developed description but here we go...Your child gets six coins every morning to start.  The daily goal is to have all six coins still at the end of the day.  During the day they have to 'pay' coins when they misbehave.  They have a chance to 'earn' their coins back by behaving well.  If they lose all six coins during the day there is a consequence (tailored to the child) that has to be REALLY bad...no tv, lose a toy, etc.  This consequence starts the instant they lose coin #6 and goes for the rest of the day.  There is no earning your coins back if you lose all six but you start again in the morning with all six coins so just keep reminding them there is a fresh start the next day.

If they kept or earned back their coins so they have ALL six coins at the end of the day, they get a sticker on their chart!  This is the long-term part of the system.  10 stickers gets you a goal/prize.  This means 10 days of having all coins at the end of the day.  (Not 10 days in a row but a total of 10 days...we count good things!)  Goals should be exciting and special and tailored to the child too!  Examples--trip to the zoo, special toy that they wanted from the store, going out for ice cream, etc.  Whatever your kid gets excited about (within reason).  As they get older the original blogger has a money value attached to the goal and they can save up goals to get what they want!  NEAT!

So here is our chart (modified because I'm stubborn like that).  We broke out the Cricut because I wanted it to be really nice looking in the hopes that we can use this same chart for years (just updating the decorations and coins).  While shopping for the supplies Alyssa got to pick out stickers for that side area and she chose Mickey and Friends.  We decided the coins for her based on those stickers since she has a tough time choosing things out of unlimited choices.  Our insanity:  We did Cricut Mickey and Friends for the coins.  A fun project that turned out pretty well but at 2.5" my poor hubby was very challenged to put them together...it took hours because of the small size for the coins.  The coins are 3.25" total diameter.

Mickey and Friends Cricut--Awesome job my hubby did!!

The poster is a full sized poster board that we covered in different papers to make it look less plain.  That white space (later filled by pink and purple) is 17"x20" in case you wanted dimensions for some reason.  If you want complete dimensions from me, let me know.

Our sticker chart piece is removable when full so that we can replace it without gluing more and more layers to it.  I used photo corners and a tacky/removable poster stuff (in the middle) to make it work like that.

The coins, we tried to use wooden circles (available at most craft stores very inexpensive) to give them a little more durability in the hands of a toddler but those are too thick to laminate.  Solution: thoroughly sand the edges to a rounded disk and only laminate the front and back OR don't use the wooden discs and just laminate paper coins.

Day One:  Introduce coins!  This is clearly a very exciting thing to a two year old girl who LOVES Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

She has lost and earned coins today a few times but we will try our hardest to find lots of good things to earn all the coins by the end of the day to get that first sticker!!  We are going to push the good stuff in hopes that we can reach a goal ASAP to really get this system rolling and fully understood.  I'll keep you updated on how this process works for us.