How I Feel...

I don't think I have ever heard a song that describes the utterly strange feeling that settles over me during deployment.  People have tried to describe it to me/for me as sad, angry, depressed, lonely, stressed, tough, etc.  Yes, at times these all pass through my life while my soldier is away....But really, those go through everyone's lives on any given day...it just isn't an adequate description of the overwhelming and ever persistent presence of this feeling.  Thank you to Simple Plan and Natasha Bedingfield for your song "Jet Lag" and a new way to tell people what this feeling is.

"You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jet lagged."

~Link to the rest of the lyrics~

I am simply Jet Lagged.  Our lives right now are so very far apart that we have settled into different routines to get ourselves through each day but never forget that the other is likely sleeping or awake at a different time as us and they aren't here.  This knowledge, this life is tiring and hard to adjust to, no matter how many times you do it.  My mom sent me a Facebook link to this song and obviously I cried.  But I felt a sense of calm from it too.  Someone gets it!  Someone out there knew how to put this feeling into words...They may not even have been referring to a military relationship but it fits so perfectly and I simply had to share this new-found description with everyone.

So for all you couples whose hearts are so "jet lagged", let's all look forward to homecoming whether it is five days away or a year.

Lifestyles of the Rich or Deployed...

Well, I have a few pictures from Chris of his new living situation.  They don't match what I had in my head based on description but that's because in my head there was one less wall!  LOL!  So here is a glimpse into this particular deployment.

Based on the bathroom travel bag, the last picture is Chris' locker.  I *believe* his bunk is the bottom bunk in the second picture but I'm not positive on that one.

Well, this is a preliminary glimpse into the living space he and his buddies have put together.  (In case you didn't know, this is a bay that holds 60 people.  They worked it up into a private area for 4 within this bay.  Pretty smart huh?)

Settling In

He is settling in and we are excited to say that we have an address to start sending some homey things to him.  His first box will have a couple birthday items in it, some snacks, and by his request--two wall clocks.  Doesn't the base have clocks around?  Well sure they do, but what they can't have is clocks set to local time AND the time zone your family is in next to each other.  Why not?  Well this is such a simple answer that so many of us forget about it...America covers more than one time zone...And then we throw in DST which not everywhere observes.  Yup, so he and his roomies are getting two clocks to hang above the projector screen in their "room" to show local vs home times.

Projector??  Oh, did I forget to mention I'm married to a nerd and he is part of the nerd squad too.  Commonly called Signal...They sure do like their tech-y toys!  Hopefully I can get some pictures up of his "room"  (a makeshift privacy attempt in a bay built for 60 people).  Of course I have to double check OPSEC and then get him to send me some...but barring issues with both of those things, I'm aiming for a week turn-around on this particular item.

Overseas Begins

Long ago a flight took off with my husband on board.  Well, it was about an hour ago actually.**  We will now be in significantly different time zones and have to do math to know when the other is awake or not on shift or when Alyssa is home to connect with.

And that sucks.  I really hate doing math...

He will be overseas for his, Alyssa's, and my birthdays, for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentines Day.  He will miss our anniversary in November, my sister's graduation from both college and high school, and a friend's wedding in early June.

However, this isn't all bad and its not as depressing as it may sound.  While we will be sad on these events that he isn't home with us, we will take lots of pictures to share and lots of phone calls, e-mails, video chats and snail-mail!  He won't miss much (if any) of next summer, gymnastics will continue and Alyssa might even roll by the time he comes home, and development of a toddler never stops going so there will be all sorts of new things for Papa and Alyssa to explore together....

We are looking forward to these things and even though there will be some sad moments until then, knowing those moments will pass helps.

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**Times are from the time posts are written, NOT the time posted as this would be against OPSEC recommendations.

Unscheduled Play Times....

By NO stretch of my (or most others') imagination is 4:20am a good time to play with Fisher Price toys.  Not only is this one of the last things I would choose to do at this time, it is most definitely in my bottom choices to do for then next 1 hour and 45 minutes from that time.

Long weeks get nearly immeasurably longer on a day following this unscheduled play time.  In combination with my sleep deprived state, I spent the day calling credit card companies, insurance agencies and health care billing facilities trying to straighten out all of the situations that magically appear when a family member deploys.  To follow the blame game, reasoning, and downright excuses given to me without either blowing up or breaking down under the pressure is an amazing feat to my mind in this state.  I think I only screamed once and it was after hanging up.  Are you proud of me--I am...!  On top of the phone calls being very time consuming and rather painful to explain everything EVERY time...Yes!  Technology rears its horribly taunting head at me again!  I am quite certain based on past experience with anything using a cord or battery that ALL technology has a distinct distaste for working near, for, or even apart from me.  To further justify this conviction, Tricare (a system which operates throughout 21 (that's TWENTY-ONE) states in the midwest, was down yesterday and this morning as I tried to contact them repeatedly.  A credit card company I had to call tonight, merely checking on an APR request process, had a single computer unable to look up not only one of our accounts but two.  No phone number, no SSN, no nothing!  Thankfully this issue was just a single computer that I caused to crash ;-)  Truly, technology hates me.  I am simply lucky that my computer generally gets along with me as I protect it from the massive amounts of drool and dropping that a toddler may unleash at any given moment.  So...here is for a better tonight leading to a good tomorrow!

Every little bit of help....helps.

For someone who *hates* yard work, I should have thought through the whole large backyard thing....I am not cut out to be a house wife based on the current status of my table top.  Dishes are endless, laundry piles into mountains no matter if I do a full load a day--and there are only two of us!!--and on top of this the grass outside keeps growing.  What can one do to alleviate these tasks?  Wish on the magic dishwasher?  Pray to the lawn gods?  Maybe the laundry elves will take pity and help out in a way other than stealing socks from the dryer...  You don't believe in those?  Yeah, you're probably right.

I think we should find a way to automate the lawn care at least.  Why can't we have a Roomba for the grass cutting?  I suppose there could be an argument made against an automated rotary blade on the loose in a yard.  Thankfully there is always help when you need it most.  My cousin loves yard work when it isn't required.  My lawn and border planters finally have someone who likes to take care of them (and actually will).  I think I can handle the dishes and laundry decently and the table top will just have to pile up until I get a cleaning itch.

Now who out there likes to push snow blowers??

The Things that break us....

Somedays it takes only the slightest irritation to drive you up the wall and subsequently allow you to crash into tears.  Today, it was smaller than slight....it was a crooked TV.  Yes, I was so overcome by the most paltry of things as watching a show with a couple translated lines and having to read them at an angle that I cried.  Brief though the tears were, it was enough for me to jump on Facebook and tag my cousin in a posted plea for help.

I couldn't do a thing to fix the slant no matter the wriggling that I was attempting.  I swear the thing wasn't crooked when Chris was home but it was when he left and I didn't think it would bug me until that darn translated line popped up on my screen.

Thankfully I have a very wonderful cousin who lives in the dorms a few blocks away.  And as he lives in the dorms, you can guess that he is a student and because of such circumstances, he rushed to my aid within minutes (how much you wanna bet there was homework to be avoided?).  He fixed the slant, picked out the movie for us tonight and stayed for supper to keep us company.  See, wonderful!  So he may have used us to avoid homework, he also is such a help that I don't mind one bit!  (No worries folks, he actually really dotes on Alyssa.)    :-)

Fist Bump!

Oh yes, fist bumps are quite the thing for the up and coming little girl today.  In fact, Alyssa prefers this method over the classic "high five".  Tonight we exchanged the first fist bump over Skype and elicited giggles of glee.  There was immense joy in those grins and giggles as knuckles met from nearly 1200 miles away.  I think this deployment will go just fine if we can keep up the fist bumping and giggles.

Job Hunting Joys

The joys of job hunting...
1. A minimum of DOZENS of applications submitted resulting in a maximum of TWO phone calls back.
2. Those two phone calls resulting in interviews in which one will tell you they will call you and never does, and the other not even wasting their breath on the lie.
3. A few more dozen applications submitted with less discretion as to the job this time sent off with endless amounts of hoping that you don't have to return to the job you left over a year ago.
4. Days upon days of waiting for the application process to complete itself, followed by a few dozen phone calls checking on the application processes with no results again.
5. Filling out NACCRRA paperwork to afford daycare on deployment orders while dealing with military issues of all sorts, bills piling up, and job hunting.  (Trust me if you have never dealt with NACCRRA before, this is my first time and I'm still on page one of the application... O_O)
6. Endless trolling of every conceivable job listing site online, in the newspapers, randomly looking up businesses you know are in your area and hunting for their "Careers" tab, etc.

And lucky #7 which will be happening next week....
...Gracefully apply to the company which you left over a year ago and had hoped to never pass through their doors as anything but a customer ever again (okay, as gracefully as a tear-stained, red-from-screaming, bruised knuckled woman can).
It's a good thing their application is online!

Future Camera Toting, Bus Delaying Momma

Ahhh, the first day of school.  Kids getting on buses, backpacks bouncing down sidewalks and parents frantically trying to get in just 'one more' picture before their child is late for class.  Thank you dear lord for it not being me yet!  We have a couple more years before I will be that frantic Momma begging for one more hug and toting my camera to the bus stop only to delay the route with four posed pictures every foot closer to the bus....

We can all look ahead and say that won't be us.  We won't be THAT parent.  Oh stop kidding yourself!  We will ALL be THAT parent when Kindergarten comes.  Let's just hope we won't be the only one doing it still in JR High....

So for us Momma's and Papa's who still have ones to young for school, we get to relax a little while longer before the 'back-to-school' rush applies to us.  Let's enjoy these years whether we are all under the same roof, or all huddled in front of computers saying our "I love you's" and "good nights".  We can let that stress, pride, joy and sorrow come tomorrow; today we will hug our babies and send them off to full day daycare instead....Wait....Someone tell me what the difference is??

Deployments and Skype

I was inspired to attempt a deployment blog by a wonderful military wife and mother that I respect immensely.  Its a wonderful way to remember the deployment's day-to-day effects on our family from my perspective.  This will give our family something to look back on and see how our first family deployment goes.

Tonight was our first foray into Skyping.  Alyssa was amazed at Papa being inside the computer and Papa got to see us nearly 1,200 miles away.  It was so fun to watch Alyssa (captivated for as long as a toddler can be--5 minutes tops) investigating the computer and how to interact with Papa in this new way!  We are still waiting for vocal conversations and so this video solution allows goodnight waving and kisses (and a nightly reminder to clean my laptop screen).

As we climbed onto the couch and opened up the program we got an incoming 'call' and after much tinkering and figuring out how in the world Skype works in its most basic form (I'm married to a tech guy...I don't need to be tech-y right??), we got video up on both ends, lighting in order to see everyone, and voice so Stroh good ask what I was wearing...Yeah, there is not much privacy in the military and much joking in the barracks.

The basics having been mastered, okay, practiced...We are now ready to take on this year-long deployment.  We will continue to work on our vocal conversing in hopes that we can get "Papa" and maybe even "Good Night" and "Love You" out of Alyssa before Papa comes home but for now we are excited to be able to wave, smile and kiss at Papa in the computer.  So here we go, 3 weeks into the deployment and less than a year to go!