I'd love to tell you that pregnancy is nothing but rainbows and unicorns when considering the fact that it is meant to end with a new addition to a loving family and that cherished baby is "cute", "adorable", or "awww" depending on the viewers reaction to the newborn. I REALLY wish I could tell you that you don't remember any of the discomforts or grossness that can (and does) accompany just about any pregnancy. Too bad I don't like to lie.
Time does fade the facts of previous pregnancies and not all of them will (thankfully) apply each time you decide to go through it. Most of my memories of my first pregnancy are of hip pain and morning sickness lasting through more than half of the whole thing. Of course I also remember lots of internal bullying ranging from kidney shots to rib jabs to MY BLADDER ISN'T A BOUNCY HOUSE! All I know is that my chiropractor saved my sanity and a lot of tears of pain when it came down to my hip. I could barely walk without tears sliding down my face by the time I found a chiro in my area. I was well under the halfway mark of the pregnancy that time around and we coordinated our chiro appts to my prenatal appts (once a month, then every two weeks, then every week). It was wonderful. This time my hip has been a lot better though most of that has to do with not working on concrete floors for 8 hour shifts any day that I wasn't walking all over campus getting to and from classes (plus any short shifts after classes). I still have my days of too-much-to-handle and need to lay down and hope my toddler will be happy with Nick or Disney Jr. shows. I'd like to note that my morning sickness this time was practically non-existent (WIN!). See? There is always hope for the next pregnancy.
All right, time to make that warning work...Gross stuff that they don't tell you in advance:
- You will fart. A Lot.
- You will leak. You thought you just scored a break from those pads and tampons...You only get a tampon break really. Stock up on those panty liners and you may as well be prepared for baby by getting yourself some butt cream now because I had the first "diaper" rash between Alyssa and me.
- You will leak. Oh yes, you have too many holes to not have this one mentioned in a new and fun way. Some of us have over-achieving body parts and the boob leaking begins randomly before baby comes. I especially liked waking up with wet spots on my shirt and bedding too perfectly placed to be anything but boob leakage. Fix: get a comfy bedtime bra and buy some Nuk Nursing Pads. (As a formula feeder I didn't know I'd need these until I woke up to that lovely sight almost a month before Alyssa came along.)
- You will leak. Another one??? Yes! In the form of snissing. Do you love new words? I sure do. Start your Kegels now. I was told much too late about this one. You will possibly have a horrible feeling come over you just as you sneeze that something has gone wrong. I really hope you are at home when you learn how to cross your legs and brace yourself (and have already started wearing those pads again!) because without those Kegels, snissing is almost a given. Did you figure out what snissing is yet?
- You will WANT to fart...or burp. If you've ever had gas pain before, you have a good idea where this is going. Now put a foot long (and growing) object on top of your intestines blocking as much room as it can. Are you holding your stomach and crying yet? I seriously hope you never have that bad of gas pains that you cry but know that it could happen (and does for some of us).
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