I mentioned in our Two Month Update that one of our biggest issues was that bedtime was essentially removed from an effective daytime process like the coins. Well, it is still somewhat true but we have since removed a sticker from the chart after she had earned it for the day because of a kicking episode directly afterwards while going to bed. WOW! She was horrified and bedtime didn't get better that night. She knew that kicking (or any form of violence like that) results in a loss of 2 coins around here. I went and grabbed the 2 coins and the sticker and explained to her that she lost the coins because of her kicking and that meant I had to take the sticker back because she didn't have all of her coins anymore that day.
This was difficult for her to understand. She didn't know that stickers were able to be taken back. I don't recommend doing this for anything that you might consider minor (or more due to sleepy moodiness than all out toddler war) because this was very complicated for the toddler to come to grips with. She was very concerned about all her previous stickers the next morning because if Momma can take one away, logically she can take more. The differentiating is the tough part. HOWEVER...violence is not okay no matter the sleepy mood or bedtime war and SOMETHING had to give. The shock of her lost sticker didn't help that night but it has helped subsequent nights.
We remind her frequently about her prize/goal and how many stickers she needs to get there. We remind her of the rules frequently. We remind her how many coins she has to earn back (if any) every time she begins to show a sign of a wrong choice. We get EXCITED! (yes with capital letters and exclamation point) when she is being helpful or extra thoughtful. We get EXCITED! when she tries a new food even if she didn't like it. We get EXCITED! about her great clean up skills or her awesome manners. There are always hugs and talks about why X was a good thing or why Y should have been done differently.
At night, the diaper change is the beginning of the rough part (and is actually the worst part usually). She is in the perfect position to throw a tantrum--laying on her back on the floor with limbs free to fly. This is equated to kicking because she does kick outward and as I am pregnant and she knows my tummy has to be handled carefully/nicely because Baby Brother is in there. Her aim is to get your hands far away from any diaper changing items and it is quite purposeful. (I look forward to a toddler sans diapers....) She now knows that violence WILL result in a sticker being lost because coins were lost too. EVEN AT BEDTIME. Minor issues like too many excuses to come out of the room or get us to come in (water, a certain toy, blanket/bedding issues, etc) are corrected by other means currently. When she gets to a more solid understanding of time, we may be able to switch coin counting to the morning and include ALL of bedtime into the system but at this point in her development, bedtime is a very divisive signal of days making a natural coin deadline.
I am open to suggestions of other bedtime methods...Thankfully this sticker loss has been a one time thing so far and has much improved our bedtime routine/diaper changes.
No comments:
Post a Comment